The worry in Pans eye has been worrying me for years now. As I look through the photos of our time together as far back as I can find she has the look of concern all over her face.
Our life over here at The Bird House has been changing as many of you already know, and unsettled feelings are more than abundant right now. As the clock ticks onward towards our move, and we busy ourselves with all the details of finding a new home, our animals are here at this place, seemingly frozen in a confused state in time.
This realization brought to my attention that I have a tremendous responsibility to fulfill. A responsibility to keep as much of her nature as alive as possible.
At first this responsibility overwhelmed me. I've witnessed so many broken horses that the fear that I may be the cause of another one terrifies me. This led to carefully analyzing the relationships in my life. Not just my horse relationships but all relationships.
Relax is something I seem to forget how to do rather quickly when working with my animals. It's something that normally, I can find when working with other people's critters, but for some crazy reason I have a hard time practicing it with my own.
Immediately I noticed all the places in my body that carry tension. My jaw, neck, and shoulders felt like they were cemented together. My hips, arms, and legs felt as if they had been left to fend for themselves, mounted to the large block of tension I call my upper torso. No wonder I'm clumsy. All the GO! GO! GO! I thought I could turn off simply hides in my shoulders, neck and jaw ready to carry me through the next self inflicted crazy day.
This sure does explain why my horses are uncomfortable with me. The horses I see in my practice get to experience my body while my muscles are being used and I'm focused on helping them relax and let go of their own tension. My horses on the other hand experience me while I'm making some sort of awkward attempt to relax myself. The more I try to release the more awkward it feels.
Continuing to carry this much tension around is not an option
I consider this to be the human version of half halts, saying, wait, breath, wait, breath, as I focus on turning my crazy, run away life into more of a beautiful dressage performance, relaxed, yet energized. Taking the time to focus on my form, and collecting myself rather than running around all upside down,and inside out.
Like any good dressage performance this will take time to practice, focusing on one tiny little piece at time, always striving towards a relaxed and powerful connection between horse and rider. In my case I'm striving towards a relaxed and powerful connection between myself and the life I live, depending on the honesty of my horses to help me learn the freedom and beauty of being relaxed.
Happy Horsing Around
Cyndi Bird CEST
Emmie and I recently had the pleasure and privilege of spending a whole weekend with friends, and their working horses. Up to this point I though my horses had a job, but it turns out that may be more of a hobby.
This small glimpse into the old school, western world, opened my eyes to the benefits of having a horse. To this point the benefit to me, was solely for the sake of having them as friends to carry me places for fun, which has been great. Getting to see working horses not only under saddle but in harness as well, has made me realized just how spoiled my horses are.
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